I loved and I loved and I lost you
by TheImpossibleDetective'sAngel
Summary: 'I loved and I loved And I lost you. And it hurts like hell, Yeah it hurts like hell.'


**A/N: This song came onto my playlist and I was inspired. Song is Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie. There's a Charlie/Matteusz fanvid on youtube with this song.**

 **WARNING: Don't read if you want a happy, fluffy fic. Heartbreak and tears await you here.**

* * *

 ** _'How can I say this without breaking,_**  
 ** _How can I say this without taking over,_**  
 ** _How can I put it down into words,_**  
 ** _When it's almost too much for my soul alone.'_**

They laid Miss Quill on the bed, and after checking that she was still unconscious, they proceeded to Charlie's bedroom. Matteusz watched as Charlie carefully placed the gun on the inside of the cabinet, not speaking. He stood as still as a statue as Charlie turned towards him. They still hadn't talked, only carrying Miss Quill here to get her safe. And out of sight.

Matteusz still stood still. Not moving at all. Charlie came closer. And closer. Until he was standing literally chest to chest with Matteusz. Their lips were about an inch away. So close. But Matteusz kept still. And he noticed the tears that were staining Charlie's cheeks. "Oh Charlie." Matteusz sighed. He longed to wrap his arms around the other boy, but wasn't sure how that would be received. Charlie kept looking at him, not moving, apart from the sobs that shook his small frame.

* * *

 ** _'I_ don't want them to know the way I loved you,**  
 _ **I don't think they'd understand it, no**_  
 _ **I don't think they would accept me, no.'**_

They stood there, not moving, for another minute. Matteusz couldn't take it any longer. He wrapped his arms around Charlie, cradling him. For a second, Charlie stayed still, but found he couldn't keep it up now that Matteusz was actually holding him. He slumped in Matteusz's arms and let his sobs become vocal. Matteusz tightened his grip on his boyfriend and held him as close as was humanly possible. "Matteusz... I can't... what's happening?" Charlie sobbed into his shoulder.

Matteusz pushed Charlie's head away and gripped his face. "Breathe Charlie." He reminded him gently. Charlie took heaving breaths and looked at Matteusz. The boy he loved, with all his strange alien heart. He didn't want to let Matteusz go. But he had too. For Matteusz as well as himself. "They don't understand." He whispered to Matteusz. He looked up into the honest and confused eyes of his boyfriend, and he knew his heart was going to break. "They don't understand how I love you. They think we are just a normal, childish couple. But we're not."

* * *

 ** _'Your heart fits like a key_**  
 ** _Into the lock on the wall,_**  
 ** _I turn it, I turn it,_**  
 ** _But I can't escape.'_**

Charlie rubbed his cheek against Matteusz's palm, and Matteusz began to worry about where this speech was going. "We are more than that. More than them." Charlie whispered to Matteusz's hand. He looked back at the Polish boy, who was waiting expectantly. "We are meant for each other. We are like lock and key. We click." Matteusz nodded in agreement, but was still wary.

Charlie's tears returned, and he stepped closer to Matteusz again. "I love you, Matteusz." Matteusz smiled sadly and put his arms around Charlie again, touching their foreheads. "I love you too Charlie. You know that." Charlie's head moved against his, nodding his head in assent. "I do."

* * *

 ** _'I loved and I loved and I lost you._**  
 ** _And it hurts like hell.'_**

Charlie sighed. He had to do this. It was what was best for both of them. Why is my heart breaking at the mere thought of it then? He asked himself. Because you love him and you're losing him, his mind answered. "I know that you love me." He started. "Unconditionally." Matteusz added. Charlie shuddered. Matteusz and his lovely words weren't helping him. "You know that I love you too, unconditionally." Matteusz nodded. "But..."

He heard Matteusz inhale, and he wondered for a second if this was the right thing to do. He went ahead. "I don't want to lose you."  
"You won't!" Matteusz insisted, gripping Charlie's hands in his own. "Not ever!" Charlie laughed through a sob, and he looked into Matteusz's eyes again. "I'm already beginning too." Matteusz shook his head, tears starting to fall. "No."  
"Yes." Charlie whispered, touching their foreheads together again. "I love you." Matteusz was shaking, only Charlie's touch keeping him from crumbling into a heap. "And I'm losing you. So you need to leave. Before I lose you forever."

Matteusz couldn't hold back his sobs anymore. He fell onto the floor, and Charlie went with him. "I'm sorry Matteusz. So sorry. I don't want this. But we need space. Both of us." Matteusz just sobbed harder, curling into a ball on the floor. "I'm sorry Matteusz." Charlie whispered again, curling around Matteusz and cuddling him. "I really do love you." Matteusz let out a strangled sob. "Then why are you doing this? If you love me so much, why are you kicking me out? You hate me, just like my parents hate me."

"No!" Charlie's voice was laced with hurt. "I will never, ever hate you! I LOVE YOU, Matteusz. Just you."  
"Then why?" Charlie looked at his boyfriend and saw that his heart was breaking too. "You're afraid of me." He whispered. Matteusz's mouth snapped shut with an audible pop. He stopped crying and stood suddenly. Charlie stood too, knowing that this would probably be the thing that made Matteusz leave. But he didn't want him to go. "You know Charlie?" Said prince looked up to see the expression of pain and sadness on his other half's face, and it nearly killed him. "I am afraid of you. You want to know why? It's not because your alien or a prince. It's because of this." Matteusz waved his hands between them. "I am afraid of you because I was afraid that you'd break my heart. And you know what?" Matteusz stepped closer and looked down at the bewildered prince. "I was right." A tear slipped down Matteusz's cheek, and he leaned forward to place a small, loving kiss on Charlie's lips. "But you'll never lose me."

Then he was gone. Charlie looked to his open bedroom door. He'd done it. He'd made Matteusz leave. And broken both of their hearts in the process.

And with that he curled up on the floor and cried. It hurt like hell to have a broken heart. Hurt like hell.


End file.
